Have you ever noticed that the plot of nearly every sitcom in the world revolves around a complete and utter lack of communication amongst the principal characters?
I had to stop watching TV for years, because I was so distraught at the prevalence of this phenomena. OK, let's not mention the fact that this sitcom-ban occured whilst I was exploring various non-communicative moments from my young life via the medium of therapy. Coincidence? I think not.
The sitcom anti-communication is a classic device from television's earliest days. I mean really, would we haved laughed so hard if Lucy actually told Ricky what she and Ethel were planning? Of course not...the great fun was Ricky's reaction and Lucy's reaction to his reaction! And of course, I was a kid when I watched I Love Lucy. No therapy pour moi as yet.
But as I learned in therapy, life isn't always a sitcom. And it helps to be direct when speaking to others. I've developed a slightly extreme style of subtle, bottom-line communication.
In fact only a short while ago, my cute little husband, (we'll henceforth refer to him as "Captain America"), called me for our daily "touch base" call. He was his usual cheerful self, telling me about how cool his new Bluetooth headset was, how he successfully rebooted his office phone system, and inquired as to the relative speed of my computer which he de-fragged last night. My responses consisted of:
"Great."
"O.K."
"Terrific."
"Yeah?"
After about two minutes of this, the perceptive Captain A. sensed something was amiss. "Are you O.K. honey?"
"Sweetie, I have precisely two hours and 58 minutes before I go pick up our adorable son. Do you need anything?"
"Nope. I'll let you go."
"Thanks Hon, bye."
That's a typical conversation when I'm under the wire. But by far, one of my favorite Mars/Venus communication moments from our marriage was this:
Me: I'M MAD AT YOU!!!
Captain A: Why?!?!?!?!?!!!!
Seriously, he had no clue what I was talking about. (In retrospect he would have had to been pyschic to do so.) Naturally, I proceeded to regale him with the details of his "infraction" as he stood in stunned disbelief. I don't even remember what the heck-fire I was upset about.
After nine and a half years of marriage (and a lot of therapy...did I mention I went to therapy?) I have developed a bit of diplomacy and a "pick your battles" attitude toward my marital communication efforts. I've even taken up situation comedies again. Captain America even remembers to TiVo Ugly Betty for me when I space it out.
But if my husband calls me back right now with only one hour and 49 minutes left before I have to pick up the kid...LOOK OUT BABYCAKES!
Ain't he a lucky man?
(Nope. I'm the lucky one. Ahhhhhhhh.)
Throwing fairydust in your general direction,
Ms. G.E. Witch
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